Today my family and I woke up late, like the scene in Home Alone where everyone scrambles to catch their flight. Except for us it wasn't a flight, it was the van, and I had four kids to get across town to their various schools. Fortunately, I've been practicing our morning routine all summer and into the early school year. We got out the door in record time today because I've been using strategies to strengthen my kids' executive function skills, and my goal has always been to fade the support until they can do it on their own. This morning I focused on getting breakfast and lunches ready, while my kids walked through their routines all on their own. My 6-year-old needed a little help getting started, but then he was off too.
As I packed lunches frantically in the kitchen, I shouted a change to the plan: "You don't have time to shower! Just get dressed." Not ideal, but it got everyone to their schools on time. Here's what their routine looked like today, with the shower skipped:
- Brush teeth
- Wash face
- Get dressed
- Lotion, deodorant, and hair
- Make bed
- Have breakfast
- Grab backpacks
- Grab lunches on the way out the door.
That's much longer than the 4 or 5 steps I recommend starting with, but their routine has grown over time; we didn’t start off with this many steps.
Why the routine held
Our morning routine held even when we woke up late and modified the steps mid-morning, because my kids knew the system and had internalized the steps. They didn't need me to walk them through each step anymore. They only needed me to tell them what to cut (problem solving and cognitive flexibility).
This list may sound like a lot with four kids in tow, but in my experience it actually can go quite quickly once it becomes habitual. What actually slows us down most in the morning is when there is confusion. You know that look when you are trying to hurry up and get your kids out the door and your kid is doing something random like spinning or pulling out toys….that’s most likely their confusion on what to do, not necessarily defiance.
When your child gets stuck between steps
Children need help building the executive function skills to plan, organize, and carry out a routine, and it takes a lot of repetition to get there. If your child is still stuck after lots of practice, notice if they pause between steps. That's usually a sign they need to build the internal language that guides them through the morning, guiding them on what step comes next. As a speech Language Pathologist, I often see that what seems to be a behavior issue is actually difficulty with internal language and working memory. I explain more in Why Your Morning Routines Aren't Sticking.
I'm a neurodivergent mom who has chronically struggled with routines myself, so I know how challenging the mornings can be, and I know how important building this skill is. Nothing about this morning was perfect, and that's the point. A good system doesn't have to run perfectly. It has to hold up on the days when it doesn't.
Try this week: Watch where your child pauses between steps. When they pause…try reciting back to them what they have done already for example “I brush my teeth, I wash my face, I….. “ then wait to see if they can recall what the next step is. You can find more in my earlier posts.
This is what has worked in my family. It isn’t individualized advice for your child.