Last night was difficult for one of my children. They were facing a very challenging academic moment. The next day, they had to stand in front of the classroom and present something they didn’t feel fully prepared for. Instead of going for the usual “You’ll do great!”, I turned it into another opportunity for learning. I gave them a phrase to practice: “Even though it’s hard, I can still try my best.”
Why kids need to practice the words out loud
Think about it. We don’t usually talk like this in everyday speech, so our children have very few chances to try it out loud, especially a preteen. It’s definitely not on the list of trendy phrases. But if they never get the chance to practice it, it may not develop as part of their internal voice. So they gave it a couple of tries, and then I stepped in and gave them the phrase to copy. I don’t know yet how the presentation went, since they’re at school as I write this. But I’ll be listening for whether the phrase shows up on its own.
How one sentence builds language and executive function
Why this works: I learned this from Dr. Karen Dudek-Brannan, an amazing speech-language pathologist, and it’s one of my favorite things to teach my language students, because I’m hitting two goals at once. The phrase uses a subordinating conjunction (“even though”), a word that lets us hold two ideas in one sentence, which is a skill many children struggle with. It also targets executive function. Executive function skills are supported by the frontal lobe, which helps us picture a goal, hold it in mind, and use our internal language to guide us toward it, even when it gets hard. That’s something many people with ADHD find especially challenging. When a child practices this sentence, they get the words and the experience of seeing that they’re capable of persisting through something difficult.
Other frames to try:
- “Even though I’m nervous, I can still start.”
- “Even though I’m frustrated, I can still ask for help.”
- “Even though I made a mistake, I can still fix it.”
Try this week: Pick one hard moment, like homework, a new activity, or a tough conversation. Say the frame out loud together, then let your child say it back. Use it again the next time that moment comes up.
Next time your child is struggling, instead of only saying “it’s fine” or “you’ll do great,” try teaching them words they can fall back on when things are hard.